Evil Diva vs. Rainbow Bright's nasty Fic
by Evil Diva
Summary: C'MON! SOMEBODY READ ME!
1. The Beginning

From the far reaches of space I, Evil Diva, otherwise called Eddie, have assembled a crew of the badest good guys of anime(and Kiyone) onto my space ship called Vanity. Confused? You will get it soon enough. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ontoward the best MST crew ever!  
Aboard the super fast space ship called Vanity, an interdementional portal opened and with a thud, three people from it landed on the floor of the bridge.  
"What is this!?" a decidedly irritated voice boomed.  
"Chill out Vegeta" chimed a pink haired munchkin super genius named Washu.   
"He's right. What the hell is this place?" Gene Starwind said, looking around suspiciously, with his hand at his gunbelt. Another woman, Kiyone of the GP, was in a similar position.  
The steal door at the end of the room slowly began to lift, revealing small feet in five inch spiked pumps, tan, curvy lightly muscled calves, long slim thighs, an indecently short black leather skirt slicked over hips to die for. Then up where they could see that the skirt was low riding on the hips and revealed quite alot of midriff. Her top was big enough to cover the basics, but far from modest, and quite large tanned breasts spilled over the low sleaveless neckline. A hand was on her hip with the fingernails painted black and many onyx bracelets on her wrists. Her waistlength black hair was razor straight, and gleaming. The beautiful sun darkened face was quite striking against the black, with the lips painted a wet red, and slumberous ice blue eyes highlighted in in dark blue. No other makeup could be detected.  
On another, paler person this would have looked decidedly gothic. But instead she was the picture of evil beauty. She made the two men sweat, and the other two women want to shoot her.   
Washu tried to call her phantom keyboard but was unsuccessful.   
"Sorry Washu," the woman's sultry voice purred, "You will have no use of your powers or...props aboard Vanity. I can't risk you destroying my _beautiful_, plush ship.   
For the first time they noticed the bridges design. Large overstuffed black leather furniture that looked extremely comfortable. Abstract paintings, and three walls that looked like the night sky as seen from earth.  
The other 'wall' of the room was a gigantic window that gazed out at the passing meteors, stars, and other ships.  
"Please, sit down, make yourselved comfortable." she strolled over to a minibar. "Drinks anyone?"  
"Bah! Woman, I want to know why you've brought us aboard this atrocious excuse for a ship" Vegeta made it a statement instead of a question.  
The woman sighed theatrically. "Anyone else?"  
"Actually, I could use a bit of hard liquor right about now" Gene said pitifully, sinking into a large chair.   
"Me too" Washu said.  
"Sorry Washu, I don't serve brandy to minors" the woman said with a ghost of a smile. She seemed amused, but unwilling to show it. "Kiyone?"  
"No thank you" she said hostily.   
The woman sighed exasperatedly. "Fine! Since you all seem hell bent on explanations, I will give them to you. Sit down." they did, on the couch, with the exception of Gene, who was already seated, and she handed him his drink, while downing hers in a gulp.  
"My name is Evil Diva, but everyone calls me Eddie. I was asked by my boss to assemble a crew of the most hardheaded, least scarrable, um, _people_ that I could find for a mission. I chose you four based on your character types. You are all known to be hard and unfazable, and aren't very good at being good guys. Kiyone is here to help me keep you three in line.  
"What's this mission we're here for?" Gene said, sipping his beverage.   
"Yes, can you at least tell us that?" Vegeta said hostily. He looked like a pouting little kid with his arms crossed like that.   
Eddie flipped her hair and crossed her legs. Ths subdued both men, but the women were still mad and curious. Eddie huffed.  
"I suppose" She got up and walked to the controls. She looked out the gigantic window. "My boss, as I told you, sent me to get you all. I did and here you are. My space ship, Vanity, is crawling with insignificant servants to wait on you hand and foot. I hope that makes you feel more comfy. Alright, I guess I've kept you waiting long enough. Our mission is..."  
"What?!" everyone yelled at the same time.  
"To MST bad, very bad, fanfiction" she turned around to look at them.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Anything but that, ANYTHING" Washu cried.  
"Lemons?" Kiyone asked tearfully.   
"Yes, I'm afraid" Eddie said just as tearfully. Kiyone put her hands to her face and started to bawl as hard as Washu had begun to.  
"Hey, that doesn't sound so bad" Gene said cheerfully.   
"Oh yeah? What if they're about you? Or Melfina? What if we come across a bad lemon about you two?" Eddie said venomously, trying to comfort the two crying.  
"What!!!!" He roared. "How dare anyone insult my Melfina like that!" He started shooting blindly, but of course the bullets were disabled immediately. When he calmed down, he went to the bar and chugged on a bottle of wine broodingly.  
"Woman, I don't understand. MST? Fanfiction? Lemons? What do those words mean?" Vegeta questioned angrily.  
"Vegeta, let me explain" Washu said. She had to get her mind off of stuff. She pulled down a whitboard that was magically provided and started writing formulas on it with a pink magic marker.   
Five minutes in, everyone was snoring except Eddie. "Perhaps I should explain instead. We are going to go to my very plush theater, watch some really bad stories written by fans or possibly haters of anime. Some of them are about you guys, some aren't. You will watch the fanfiction, and make jokes, comments, etcetera about the terribleness of them. I must warn you that some people will refer to you and/or your mate in insulting and Out Of Charater terms. And in some you are even a, a, a WIMP!"   
"WHAT!" His roar was louder than Gene's. "How dare they?! I am the prince of the Saya-jins! No one insults me! Is the first one about me?"  
"No" a folder apeared in her hand. "The first one is Pokemon. I will let you go to your quarters. You will find everything you need there." Eddie snapped her fingers and four servants appeared. They were led to their rooms. "Oh, and you may want to know that the boss is going easy on you since it's your first time. Next time he won't. Ta ta!"  
An hour later, they were led to a set of french doors where they waited. Soon Eddie was there. Here clothes made the women like her. Not like her other really, and they could tell that these were more comfortable. A black tank top and black windsuit pants.  
"Okay guys" she said in a pep talk sort of voice. "I picked you because I knew you could handle everything about to be thrown at you. Don't disappoint me."  
She opened the door to reveal a large empty movie theater. "Oh yeah, if you want snacks, they're over there" She pointed to a snack bar. Kiyone got Junior Mints and a Coke, and Washu a jumbo Popcorn and a ginger ale. Vegeta got one of everything and a supersized Surge. Gene got about six Hershey bars and a Cherry Coke similar in size to Vegeta's. Then they filed into the theater and took seats in the middle.   
"Hey Eddie, if you're not the pilot then who is?"  
"Oh, that would be Meowth"  
"MEOWTH?" everyone shouted.  
"Oh don't worry. He and I have an understanding. We like eachother."  
The countdown for the fic started up and everyone settled down. The screen turned back then images appeared.  
***************************************************  
  
Okay, that was just the take off. During the stories my MSTers will have their names inside and the story lines will be regular. Thank you. I will be back soon. 


	2. MST of Rainbow Bright's Pokemon fic.

First of all, I want to tell the author of this fic fuck his/her self. I hate her/him and him/her stories are very offensive to me. HE/SHE is very offensive to me. I am not easily offended. I don't care about her/his feelings, I just want to MST the fuck out of his/her shitty fics, and be happy. I hope he/she reviews this and makes snide remarks about how funny it is, and how much he/she enjoyed laughing at me and my MST, cuz then I'll know he/she is really upset and I can live happily ever after. So take THAT!   
  
From the far reaches of space I, Evil Diva, otherwise called Eddie, have assembled a crew of the badest good guys of anime(and Kiyone) onto my space ship called Vanity. Confused? You will get it soon enough. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ontoward the best MST crew ever!  
  
**************************************************  
  
(Starting where we left of in the theatre)  
  
Kiyone Eddie, you said this wasn't a lemon, right?  
Eddie ...  
All Eddie....!?  
Eddie No I didn't! I said it wasn't gonna be about you is what I said.  
Gene*whining* You said that the boss was gonna go easy on us!  
Eddie Yeah, I didn't say it wasn't a lemon. Besides, It can't REALLY be qualified as a lemon anyway.  
Vegeta*sarcastically* Oh, gee thanks, that makes me feel SOOOO much better.  
Washu Will everyone shut up so this will go quicker? I have things to do.  
Eddie Yeah, Shhh!  
  
{Fic starts}  
  
And how five years Misty got pregnant  
  
Eddie I'll get things started. Wow, I just love his/her stunning powers of creativity.(said VERY sarcastically)  
Washu Technically, they must either be a male or a female  
Eddie*snort* Not this author. He/she sends out more signals than dolphins. Except dolphins're nicer  
Kiyone So you're saying they're genderless?  
Gene The dolphins or the author?  
Kiyone The author, stupid. Eddie?  
Eddie No... I'm saying that I honestly don't know if they're a male or female. C'mon folks, the fic won't wait!  
(Gene and Vegeta slump down in their seats)   
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Pocket Monsters.  
  
Vegeta Well, OB-viously. It's 'Pokemon' you fucker, since you obviously have no intelligence whatsoever I doubt you've seen the Japenese 'Pocket Monsters'  
  
Authors note: I like pie  
  
Washu Well what does that have to do with the price of rice in China?  
Eddie Absolutely nothing. It doesn't have anything to do with the story either.  
(a statue mysteriously drops on Eddie's head)  
Eddie Ouch! *glare* How'd you do that?  
Washu*snort* I AM the number one scientific genius in the universe you know.  
Eddie I'm beginning to regret THAT decision.  
Washu(with satisfaction) I'm not  
  
This is the story of how five years later Misty got pregnant, it takes place five magical years in the future, it pokemon land, or whatever it is called.  
  
Gene 'Five magical years'? 'It pokemon land'?   
Washu I think that was a typo  
Kiyone Can he/she say 'run on sentences'?  
Eddie And what's with 'Magical years'? I mean, how were they magical?  
Vegeta*mumbles*  
All What?  
Vegeta I said 'fucker'. Is that alright with you?  
AllOh  
  
Well folks it's really a long and compucated story. Ash, Misty, Pikachu and Brock were walking peacefully down the path to some place in the Jhoto land. Brock stated she was very horny at the moment. So Pikachu gave Brock a good spanking. But that's besides the point.  
  
Washu Hey! 'Compucated' is not a fucking word you-  
Washu and Vegeta together Fucker  
Eddie WASHU! Watch your mouth.  
Washu*whine* Vegeta says it all the time  
(Vegeta's eyes widen)  
Eddie(tersely) Vegeta isn't twelve   
  
" Hey, look a city, let's go to the hotel and eat!" Ash yelled happily. " And we can get it on there sweety." Misty whispered seductivly in Ash's ear. " Huh? What about Pikachu?" Asked Ash. Misty groaned at his stupidity.  
  
Eddie*shaking in rage* Misty...would....never do...that.  
(they all have to restrain her from attacking the screen)  
Gene Yeah, and furthermore- Ash isn't THAT stupid and, well, gay.  
  
" I'd like two rooms please." Ash said politely. The woman looked at Ash blankly as he talked to an old man sitting at one of the benches. "   
Kiyone What woman. It just casually mentions 'woman' without saying anything about her.  
Gene Ash is not that stupid  
  
Exscuse me sir, I have the room keys." She yelled. " I knew that, silly." Ash giggled walking over. "   
  
Washu*dutifully* 'Exscuse' is not a word, however 'excuse' is  
Vegeta I hate this fucking fucker. It is offensive to Saya-jins, humans, and Pokemon  
All It?  
Vegeta The author. (AN:I got this from a review I saw)  
All Oh   
  
Misty, do you think this out fit makes me look gay?" Brock asked. Misty rasied and eye brow. " Why are you wearing a dress?" Asked Misty. " I'm trying to look gay, got a problem with it?" He grumbbled. Misty shook her head.  
  
Washu*drawing a deep breath* 'Outfit' is just ONE word, you fag, 'Rasied' is NOT a WORD, 'RAISED' IS, and that is not how you spell 'grumbled' you fucking idiot.  
(Washu pushed a button and a statue fell on Eddie's head)   
Eddie OW! Goddammit, Washu, what was that for.  
Washu*petulantly* You were gonna tell me to watch my mouth.  
Kiyone*uneasily* And I have seen time and time again Brock's desperate and obvious like of girls. Please tell me how you surmised that he is or would want to look gay?   
  
" I got the keys, and they even play a little electirc toon when you put them in the key hole."  
  
Washu Fuck it. Goddamned idiot obviously doesn't know how to spell. I give up. And wrong kind of toon you fuckhead. It's tune  
Vegeta See I told you  
  
Ash said sticking it in the hole. It played a little electronic toon of I walked with you once apon a dream.   
  
Kiyone*gasp* How dare he/she put that wonderful song into this repugnant story  
  
" I know you I walked with you once upon a dream." Ash sang. Misty shuved Ash in one room and Brock in the other. Then walked into Ash's room.  
  
Washu Goddammit, I lied. It's not shuved, you woinker, it's shoved  
  
Ash was jumping around on the bed. " It really bounces Pikachu!" Ash giggled. " Pikachu!" Misty grabbed Pikachu and threw him in Brocks room." Now were all alone Ash." Misty said undoing her suspenders. " Oh poo."Moaned Ash.   
  
All*blink* What the fuck!?  
Vegeta That's just fucking wrong. If they're gonna have this Ash kid be a fucking retard, then it is very perverted and pedophilic to have Misty do that. This author is seriously sick in the fucking head.  
All Here here  
Gene This guy/girl gives us leches a bad name.   
Kiyone *to author* Okay, you fuckhead, rape of any kind is strictly prohibited by GP. As soon as I am able to leave this ship you will be under arrest.  
  
Misty removed her shirt and bra as well, and layed Ash down on the bed. " Misty what are you doing silly goose?" Ash asked. Misty took off his coat and shirt and began undoing his belt. Ash giggled. Misty ripped of his pants,and made Ash's hand take of her sorts. "( snikering) What are you doing Misty? I can get into my pajama's by my self you know." He said.  
  
All*watching in horrified disbelief* Eww....!  
  
Misty stared at him evilly as she pulled down her underwear. Ash watched her confusedly. " Are you going to take a bath?" He asked. Misty shook her head and pulled down Ash's boxeres. Ash laughed little girlishly and got off the bed. " That tickles." He giggled.  
  
(Kiyone, Washu, and Eddie burst out crying)  
Vegeta*in alarm* What?! What are you doing? *Panicking*  
Eddie It's sooo wrong he said 'That tickles  
Washu*sobbing* This has to be breaking some laws, doesn't it Kiyone?  
Kiyone Yes. Universal ordinances 45321, 65099, (keeps babbling numbers incoherently)   
(Gene and Vegeta sink lower into their seat and watched fearfully)  
  
Misty lyed down on the bed and look seducivly at Ash. " Come here Ashy Washy." Misty purred. Ash shook his head and giggled. " I don't wanna."   
(Renewed bawling)  
All females Gross, she said Ashy Washy  
Gene and Vegeta*glaring at screen Disgusting...  
  
" So you like to play huh?" asked Misty. Ash nodded. Misty jumped up landing on top of Ash. Ash fell crashing down on his head. Misty started to kiss his visiouisly. Ash giggled. " Stop! That tickles!"   
  
Eddie Oh my God  
Washu Tsunami help us  
Kiyone I've got to get hazard pay for this  
Vegeta Mother-fucking son of a bitch  
Gene What he said.  
  
Misty kissed harder. Ash jumped up and ran to the other side of the room. Misty got up and chaced him around the room. " I don't want to play anymore!" Ash cried. He tripped with his face landing up. Misty fell face down on him. She moaned happily. " Oh Ash!" Misty started jumping up and down on Ash's genatalia. Ash giggled. " I once saw my mom and Professur Oak doing this once! My mom made the same noise, and Professur Oak grunted alot." Ash said.  
  
(Washu had reverted back to to the dispassionate scientist)  
Washu I have no idea where this guy hot his sex education, but it is a general rule that the penis must be erect before intercourse can occur. Seeing as Ash is ten, retarded in this fic, and not aroused but silly, I highly doubt that he has an erection, therefore what Misty is doing is highly impossible. Does that help girls?  
Kiyone Slightly.  
Eddie But it's still-  
Kiyone Right in front of-  
Eddie Us  
Vegeta Will you stop it. My mate doesn't whine this much.  
Eddie Well Bulma isn't watching this sorry excuse for a bad lemon. It's to horrible for her to imagine, that's why I took you instead of her. It would be too traumatic after Bra's birth.  
Vegeta Kami-damned this author, you, and your boss.  
  
Ash and Misty woke up on the floor. Misty was still on top of Ash. Misty held her stomach. " What a night!" Misty said happily. Ash looked around dazed. " I want some pickles and Ice cream."  
  
Gene Dear God, that's not...  
Eddie NO  
Kiyone Uh-uh  
Washu Unlikely  
Vegeta I'm not sure about humanjs, but it is impossible for the male Saya-jin to become impregnated.  
Eddie Same with humans  
  
And nine months later Misty was pronounced pregnant. Ash fully adimited that he didn't know how it happend. Misty just laughed. Pikachu became a famous pimp and Brock, well no one really knows what happend to Brock that night, he just kind of was gone the next morning. Some say he ran away, some say he owns a strip club far to the east, others say he broke his neck trying to give himself a blow job and died. And the rest say, who really cares about Brock.  
  
Kiyone Wait a minute, nine months later she was pronounced pregnant?  
Eddie I would say this person was five, but a five year old doesn't write this badly. So I'm gonna say they just don't know what the hell they're talking about.  
Vegeta And they've never been fucked.  
Eddie That too.  
Gene God I hate authors that don't know what the fuck they're talking about.  
Kiyone Look, Washu's fainted  
(everyone looks to where Washu has fainted from the stupidity of it.  
Eddie Huh. I'll have a droid take her back. There's only a few seconds left anyway. Bear with me guys  
  
The End and five years later, well, Misty got pregnant again.   
  
Vegeta That was the dumbest fucking ending I've ever seen.   
Gene The dumbest story.  
Kiyone The dumbest fucking story.  
Eddie I agree with you all. Let's go.  
*****************************************************8  
  
The doors open to let them out into fresh air, and nothing perverted.  
  
"So who wrote that?" asked Vegeta, cracking his knuckles.  
"I'm sorry, I'm not permited to reveal that information."  
"You don't know"  
"Haven't a clue"  
"Thought so"   
"SO how do you rate it?"  
"Sucky"  
"Very Sucky"  
"INCREDIBLY SUCKY"  
Washu sat up for a minute in the droids arms on her way to her room.  
"Indescribably Stupid and sucky. Tell the guy that wrote it to fuck himself."  
"'kay. So that's five 'VERY BAD's  
"Uh-huh"  
"Aright, you may retire to your rooms, shower, nap, relax, what ever. I also have a gym and a swimming pool on the bottom level. A museum on the Middle level, and an astrological observatory and mall on the Top level, all in the Left wing. The right wing levels are all rooms. Do whatever. I gotta go feed Meowth" Eddie started to leave.  
"Eddie, that was going easy?"  
She smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, but yes. Most of the rest will be much worse."  
Everyone trudged off to various places.  
In front of Eddie a vid screen appeared. "How are they?" the deep evil voice of the boss asked.   
"They are faring well. I must say that was a bit harsh, but they were only slightly fazed. I was startled as well. That was a despicable story."  
"That's why I passed it along my dear. Tata"  
Eddie mumbled, "It's gonna take alot more to break that bunch." And she fed Meowth, changed into, for her, what were more comfortable clothes (a bikini top that criss-crossed down her torso, and a short leather skirt) and went shopping.  
*************************************  
How DID you like it. Eddie is one gorgeous bitch isn't she? Good thing I really am her. 


End file.
